


Like A Knife

by stargazcr



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 17:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18392714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargazcr/pseuds/stargazcr
Summary: So it's an AU where Doug lives because we rewrite canon like men. Doug has feelings for Lavi. Lavi hangs with Allen, Lenalee, and Kanda now. Basically, a bunch of toxic feelings coming from Doug, but who doesn't like some pain now and then? (Plus, I just wanted to write and this is what came out of it. So enjoy!)





	Like A Knife

He sits at a table alone, watching.

He sees that smile on Lavi’s face as he’s surrounded by those who are stronger, than well, Doug himself. Much stronger. And they could defend themselves against Akuma. It was nice seeing Lavi interact with them.

He smiles, but he feels his throat starting to close up. Pale blue eyes lower to focus on the table and they sting and burn, forcing him to close them. He doesn’t understand these feelings he’s experiencing. For someone that had been so happy to see Lavi interacting with others, but --

_It seems in that time, he’d been forgotten about._

He chokes down a sob, reaching to pull his hood up. Another Finder passes by and asks him if he’s okay and he responds with a clear voice that he is. But truly, he isn’t. He stands up with his plate, taking it back over and delivering it to Jerry, thanking him before glancing back over to Lavi.

He’s laughing. He seems happy.

Doug forces himself to smile, to be happy for Lavi. Even though he feels like he’s on fire. Even though it hurts. Even though it makes his eyes sting and his vision blur and has tears falling down his cheeks.

_Lavi was happy. That’s all that mattered._

He forces himself to breathe normally, walking out, and starting towards his room. He shakes his head, trying to push these feelings to the back of his mind. How could he ever be with Lavi? Lavi could have anyone he wanted. And Doug? He was just a Finder. Nothing more, nothing less. He tries to swallow that lump in his throat, choking back a sob and biting down so hard on his lower lip that it threatens to split. After what Lavi had done -- after Lavi had saved him twice -- he figures it was nothing more than a random act of kindness.

There was no getting past that reflection in Lavi's eye. After some time, it had returned to glass. Nothing entered anymore. He had changed once again. So why did Doug even still like him? Why did he even care? Because he had seen that smile once, he had seen a bit of warmth in Lavi's eye. Had all that been disposed of?

He opens the door to his room, stepping inside and closing it behind him. When the door is locked, he allows himself to cry. A few sobs and he's sinking to his knees, burying his face in his hands and curling in on himself. Maybe it wasn't like glass to them. Maybe it was just Doug that Lavi didn't want to see. He trembles and starts wailing a moment later, heartbroken and not much caring who heard him from the other side of the door.

After a few minutes, his cries quietens down and he's curled up on the floor. His eyes are damp from the tears that still slipped down his face, betraying that happiness he wanted to believe he felt for Lavi. Maybe if he just slept he'd feel better by morning. Perhaps they'd have another mission for him by morning. It'd do him some good.


End file.
